Large, Loving, and Eleven

Meet Tom and Deb! Tom is a Drug Abuse Resistance Education Deputy, while Deb is a stay at home mother to their nine children. Their children range in ages from 2 1/2 to 14 years old and include seven girls and two boys. Tom, Deb and children, make their home in Ohio on 5 acres with a horse, 3 dogs, 3 cats and one very large fish.

Did you do a double take on that information? They have nine children with less than a twelve year age span. Wow! How many multiples do they have? The answer - not a single set of multiples. The truly amazing thing is that Tom and Deb have adopted each of their nine children.

Why adoption? They struggled with infertility and after several in-vitro fertilization attempts they decided they would pursue adoption. They went to their public adoption agency and took their first adoption classes in 1988. They met their first child in 1989 when she was a 6 month old baby. This little girl was placed with them for adoption which was finalized six months later. They were truly lucky to get an infant in such a short time period, timing was just right because it was when there was a bulk of infants available.
After having been on a waiting list for public adoption for three years Deb and Tom decided to begin fostering in the hopes that they would be blessed with another child. They began fostering a 3 month old little girl in March 1992, who they would later adopt in 1997. 1993 brought them the joy of their first little boy. This adoption was a totally open adoption. They met the little boys biological mother while she was pregnant, they were able to participate in his birth and bring him home at the age of two days old. This was their first and only newborn and they still maintain contact with the biological mother. Finally, after waiting for 4 years, 1997 brought them the pleasure of the finalization of the adoption of the little girl that they had been fostering since she was 3 months old. The years of 1999, 2000 and 2001 allowed Deb and Tom the fortune of adopting a group of three African American siblings and a second group of two African America sisters. Through out all of this they continued fostering children. They have had over 40 children walk through their doors and have watched all but two walk right back out.

It all seems so easy at first glance. You have a couple wanting children but having infertility problems. Ten years later they have nine children and have fostered over 40 children. Think again! Deb says, "I work hard to find our children. They don't come beating your door down to adopt them." As a matter of fact, her first words of advice to anybody wanting to adopt is be patient! Oh how hard it is to be patient when you want a child to fill your arms. Deb advises that you should read and talk to others that are living through and have lived through the adoption process. Don't jump at the first agency you find, shop around, take notes and talk to others that can help you mediate. There are agencies out there that are just in it to take your money, they don't care about you, they don't care about the children, and they don't care about the birth family.
You will find agencies that never return calls, faxes or any inquiry and it can get frustrating. Deb was very assertive and aggressive to bring these children into their lives. Five of her children were found in another county as foster children. These children had been waiting from four to six years to be in a family. Always listen to your gut feeling when you are looking, and if something doesn't feel right, you see red flags, again, be patient and investigate.

Neither Deb or Tom come from large families and they never expected to have a large family. It wasn't until Deb became more educated, open and advocating in the field of adoption that she realized that this was her calling. She says "I have a very supportive hubby, family and Christian friends who give me the strength to keep doing what I do."
I asked Deb if there were problems with adopting so many children, or if there was a number where the authorities started questioning the size of the family. She said once you have parented past four children the number does not mean much.

I asked Deb what she thought was the best thing about having a large family. "Seeing the children experience and learn to share, nurture, interact and learn life living skills for the future." Their family is very open and honest with each other about adoption. They encourage the children to talk, read and discuss issues and feelings about adoption. The children know that they have love, support, honesty and understanding and that their parents are there for them.

Now, the story is far from complete, but I wanted to touch on something that really touches my heart. I have known about adoption all of my life. I've often heard the terms "biological" and "adoptive", however, it wasn't until I started corresponding with Deb, that I heard the term "forever family". It isn't that biological parents "give up" their children for adoption, instead they give them life and a forever family. These terms aren't just used to be politically correct, instead they provide the positive and loving attitude to all of the wonderful people that make families possible. This is what Tom and Deb have built and continue building, a forever family. I can't think of anything more welcoming to children and adults alike than a forever family.

Thanks to Deb for sharing her family with us. If you have questions about adoption please email Deb at: adopt@alink.com

Email and tell us about the family of 6 or more that you feel deserves to be featured here. You must include your first name, location, and the email address of the family to be featured. Yes, you may email us about yourself!

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